The sign on the toilet brush says it best: "Do not use for personal hygiene."

That admonition was the winner of an anti-lawsuit group's contest for the wackiest consumer warning label of the year. The sponsor, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, says the goal is "to reveal how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products."

The $500 first prize went to Ed Gyetvai, of Oldcastle, Ontario, who submitted the toilet-brush label. A $250 second prize went to Matt Johnson, of Naperville, Ill., for a label on a children's scooter that said, "This product moves when used." A $100 third prize went to Ann Marie Taylor, of Camden, S.C., who submitted a warning from a digital thermometer that said, "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

--I personally think third place is the best one.
--Thanks for the tip, EJ.

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Check out the The 25 Funniest Political Quotes of 2004.

My fave: "I spent several years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, in the dark, fed with scraps. Do you think I want to do that all over again as vice president of the United States?" —Sen. John McCain

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A four-year-old has beaten Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue to the top of the German pop charts.

Joy Gruttmann's "Snappy the Little Crocodile" was released as a single after it was posted on a website by her family. The joke nursery song, with it's chorus: "Schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp", was picked up by a local radio station in Cologne.

Joy is the youngest recording artist in German history to make it to the Top 10.

--Boy, that chorus sounds fabulous. I can't really make fun though--we Americans did catpult those Hanson morons to the top of the charts with "Mmmmbop."

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It looks like newlywed Britney Spears Federline - who abruptly parted ways with longtime manager Larry Rudolph three months ago - has finally found a replacement. Rumor has it that it's Rudolph's one-time right-hand man, Dan Dymtrow.

The 29-year-old Dymtrow, who's said to be close to Britney's older brother, Bryan, had apprenticed under Rudolph at his management company, ReignDeer Entertainment, until last October.

And what plans does Brit have in store for her new manager?

Word is that the 23-year-old Britney is eager to remake her second husband, former backup dancer husband Kevin Federline, into a hip-hop star.

"Brit wants him to come out as a rapper - she says he can flow," laughed the spy.

--This just gets funnier every minute. I'm in pain from laughter. Maybe he'll go by K. Feddy.

Posted by: Lawrenkm at 06:58 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 How about Da Sponge?

Posted by: Kate at January 06, 2005 07:19 AM (FcPaN)

2 She wants to rap? Add that to the list of things she wants to become: housewife, CSI, rapper.

Posted by: Kevin the Interloper at January 06, 2005 08:20 AM (qb+8W)

3 K. Feddy? I almost wet myself laughing at that one, Lawren

Posted by: Amanda at January 06, 2005 10:37 AM (h/JAR)

4 K. Feddy? I almost wet myself laughing at that one, Lawren

Posted by: Amanda at January 06, 2005 10:37 AM (h/JAR)

5 I try, Amanda.

Posted by: Lawren at January 06, 2005 12:50 PM (sql83)

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Public Service Announcement from MP&S:

The consumers group best known for rating cars and washing machines has turned its testing prowess to condoms to find out which ones measure up best and how other birth control methods compare.

The nonprofit Consumers Union says in a new guide to contraception that the seven top U.S. types of condom they studied did not burst despite vigorous testing, and all models met international standards.

But results showed that the top brand, able to take the most punishment, was the Durex Extra Sensitive Lubricated Latex, according to the report. Other top-performers include the Durex Performax Lubricated, Lifestyles Classic Collection Ultra Sensitive Lubricated and TheyFit Lubricated.

And here's the kicker:

A melon-colored model distributed by Planned Parenthood performed the worst, bursting during a test in which the latex condoms were filled with air.

--Way to go, Planned Parenthood.

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Maturity at its finest:

Actress Cameron Diaz is said to have pelted a model with ice in a spat over boyfriend Justin Timberlake.

The Charlie's Angels beauty and pop star Justin were at a Manhattan restaurant on a table next to underwear model Deanna Miller, 20. Insiders say Cameron, 32, was fuming after hearing Deanna had "frolicked" with Justin, 23, at a magazine photoshoot in the Bahamas.

One source said: "Throughout the entire dinner, Cameron was pelting Deanna in the back of the head with ice chips."

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Critics have described his singing as less than kind, but "American Idol" reject William Hung says he wants to play only good-guys in his fledgling acting career.

In Singapore to promote his first film, the action-comedy "Where is Mama's Boy?," the Hong Kong-born Hung ruled out any nasty roles.

"I would like to preserve a good image and not play the bad guy or do anything that's obscene," Hung was quoted by The Straits Times newspaper as telling a news conference.

--Dude. I'm sure your acting is obscene enough.

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As if Dior wasn't exclusive enough:

John Galliano has cut the guest list for the upcoming Christian Dior couture show by more than half.

According to Dior, the decision to reduce the number of what is already one of fashion's most coveted invitations has nothing to do with a desire to increase its level of exclusivity and more to do with the fact that Galliano has opted for a new show configuration and decor, which leave space for only about 500 guests. In the past, up to 1,200 fashionistas have made the grade - in other words, this season's tickets are hotter than ever.

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Natalie Portman set to star in the Wachowski brothers' upcoming film, V Is for Vendetta. The film is expected to be released in fall 2005.

Alyson Hannigan set to join Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ed O'Neil in the upcoming ABC comedy series In the Game, per the Hollywood Reporter.

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A Pennsylvanian man allegedly tried to run over restaurant workers after they told him they had run out of fries.

It happened after the 22-year-old, of DuBois in Clearfield County, and a couple of friends asked for fries at a drive-in Burger King in Sandy.

According to the Courier-Express in DuBois, the man made an obscene gesture and repeatedly cursed at staff after learning they had run out.

He then noticed a couple of restaurant workers taking down his number plate registration and allegedly drove his truck at them, nearly hitting one employee.

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Indiana Jones heartthrob Harrison Ford has been voted Hollywood's sexiest grandparent.

The 62-year-old dad of four and grandad of one was described as "healthy, hip and having fun" in a poll by Grand magazine. Twice divorced Ford is currently dating Ally McBeal TV star Calista Flockhart, 40.

Others in the list of top ten hottest grandparents are Paul McCartney, 62, Goldie Hawn, 59, Pierce Brosnan, 51, Mick Jagger, 61, singer Naomi Judd, 58, Priscilla Presley, 59, rocker Steven Tyler, 56, Tina Turner, 65, and Sally Field, 58.

--Oooh, I'm not sure who I think is sexier, Harrison or Pierce. They BOTH deserve to win.

Posted by: Lawrenkm at 06:51 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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1 Between Han Solo and James Bond/Remington Steele, I'd go with Han.

Posted by: Kevin the Interloper at January 05, 2005 08:54 AM (qb+8W)

2 He's still with Flockhart? Huh, thought that ended long ago. I do remember back when they first started dating, one of the tabloids managed to get hold of his prescription for Viagra. Ouch!

Posted by: chuck at January 05, 2005 10:29 AM (+eDhk)

3 Just popping in to say how much I enjoy your blog, It's the first place to come to get the dish on Hollywood. Happy De-Lurking Day!

Posted by: Sheryl at January 05, 2005 12:15 PM (VmvC7)

4 Pierce

Posted by: Uptown Girl at January 05, 2005 07:47 PM (dUIpl)

5 Thanks for the lovely comment on my blog! Love yours too, and if you don't mind I'm adding you to my links. Pierce wins between him and Harrison but...Steven Tyler is SO the sexiest out of the rest of them.

Posted by: Cara at January 06, 2005 01:12 AM (l6E6b)

6 'Cilla gets my vote for hot grandma. None of the grandpa's even did it for me when they (and I) were young. David Bowie though... If his son would make him a Grandpa? Mm mm mmmm.

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Britney Spears says, "When I grow up, I want to be..."

A Director:
She says, "I made a cute video for 'Do Something.' We shot the entire thing in a record-breaking five hours. I even came up with all the choreography and styled the entire shoot myself. I've been working on writing and hopefully directing a musical that makes fun of Hollywood. I already devote much of my spare time to writing scripts for musicals, so this was the next step."

And maybe a forensic scientist.
Brit has allegedly told friends she is considering swapping her singing career for student life and enrolling at university to study for a degree after being motivated by a TV series.

A source told Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper: "It sounds ridiculous but she's been inspired by TV's CSI, which shows scientists solving crimes. Insiders have revealed that the 23-year-old star, who launched her music career at 16, has even consulted 'Star Wars' beauty Natalie Portman - who graduated from prestigious Harvard University two years ago after studying psychology - about her plans to return to education.

--Didn't she want to also be a stay-at-home mom about 5 minutes ago?

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Winona Ryder is furious she's still being discriminated against for her shoplifting criminal record, despite serving 480 hours of community service.

The star was arrested in 2001 for stealing designer clothes worth more than $7,600 from New York department store, Saks Fifth Avenue. But she recently discovered the public still regards her as a felon, when she was banned from signing a letter encouraging President George W. Bush to sign the environmentally-friendly Kyoto agreement, because of her criminal record.

She fumes, "I was all ready to sign, then this girl said, 'Hey, hold on, aren't you a convicted felon?' I said, 'Yes, so what?' and she told me I'm not eligible to sign official Senate petitions because of my criminal record, which was pretty embarrassing."

--Um, you should have thought of that before you got your sticky paws on those clothes.

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Halle Berry has taken her devotion to her cat to new heights. The Oscar winner knows no limit when it comes to her orange tabby, Play-doh, whom she adopted after they appeared together in "Catwoman."

The Revlon spokesbabe was spotted at Whole Foods in Beverly Hills buying $70 worth of boquerones, small white anchovies imported from Spain. In Touch Weekly reports that Berry's cat goes crazy for the salty little treats.

--Hey, she repeatedly gets crapped on by men, so she mine as well spoil her cat, right?

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And you thought YOU were drunk on New Year's Eve:

Incredulous doctors made five blood tests on a drunken man to confirm he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.914, far above the usual life-threatening range, police and doctors said Tuesday.

The 67-year old man, whose name was not released, was hospitalized Dec. 20, when a car knocked him down on a street in the southern Bulgarian city of Plovdiv.

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She can't sing, but she can belch, folks!

Ashlee Simpson says she can burp the alphabet.

She says she loves showing off her special talent. She said: "When I burp the alphabet, my favorite letter is G. It is an open consonant and it is at the beginning when my wind is strong."

"My worst letter is S. It is a closed consonant and at the end when I am out of wind." The 19-year-old star also admitted that older sister Jessica also shares the same talent.

She told America's New York Post newspaper: "Jessica burps the alphabet better than me. She has better wind and she is a much louder belcher."

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A roll of toilet paper the Beatles refused to use is up for auction. The toilet roll has a starting price of £40,000 on eBay.

The Beatles reportedly neglected the toilet roll during sessions at London studio Abbey Road because it was "too hard and shiny" and were disgusted that each sheet had 'EMI LTD' stamped on it.

The toilet paper has been kept in a glass box and is being sold on eBay after initially being auctioned at an Abbey Road sale in October 1980.

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What's hot and what's not for 2005 (according to British Vogue)

WHAT'S OUT <> WHAT'S IN

Sex And The City <> The OC
Tweed <> Arts & Crafts designs
Twenties <> Seventies
Romantic <> Bohemian
Satin <> Crochet
Shoppers <> Satchels
Flip-flops <> Wedges
Vintage jewellery <> Tribal beads
Butterflies <> Birds
Cutaway swimsuits <> Bikinis
Margaret Thatcher chic <> Floaty femininity
Ponchos <> Shrugs
Mulberry Roxanne bag <> Chloe Paddington bag
Burberry house check <> Burberry Prorsum
Flash cash <> Chip & PIN
Brazil <> Las Vegas
Board Style <> Vintage Hawaiian
Western <> Hornblower naval style
Real rock <> Opera
Cowboy <> Riviera
Rugby <> Golf
Yoga <> Ballroom dancing
Harry Potter <> Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Posted by: Lawrenkm at 06:54 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 Tweed is out?! My next knitting project was going to be a tweed sweater. Damn.

Posted by: chuck at January 04, 2005 08:54 AM (Th+ZJ)

2 Crocheting is "in" though. You can go that route...

Posted by: Lawren at January 04, 2005 08:58 AM (sql83)

3 I am so screwed this year...except for The O.C. and vintage Hawaiian.

Posted by: Stacy at January 04, 2005 01:27 PM (nM8Hz)

4 Crochet? As if.

Posted by: chuck at January 04, 2005 01:43 PM (EKyNw)

5 So glad you have The O.C. right -- LOVE that one Personally, Harry Potter is not out for me -- can't wait for the next book! On a side note, I'm a finalist for a BoB award AND it's my birthday! Will you go vote for me today as my birthday present?? http://www.blogmechanics.com/bob/vote.php?pollID=4 Make sure to cast your vote for Barefoot Principessa! I know it's shameless to beg, but hey -- that's the whole point of the category I'm up for! Fabulous!! Thank you!!

Posted by: Principessa at January 04, 2005 01:50 PM (F/zwa)

6 No, make the OC go away... ...though I'll take the 70's, golf, and hornblower naval style please.

Posted by: Scof at January 04, 2005 04:12 PM (oqUpG)

7 Margaret Thatcher chic was in????

Posted by: Susan at January 04, 2005 07:18 PM (MjH3T)

8 I can't believe shrugs are back. I thought it would take at least 3 more years to see those resurface. And I'll never get into the O.C. -Mischa Barton's pictures in People magazine annoy me enough as it is.

Posted by: mary at January 04, 2005 08:56 PM (6krEN)

9 Chuck, I was going to ask you to crochet me a shrug (preferably pink angora) after you finish your sweater!

Posted by: Amanda at January 05, 2005 11:02 AM (h/JAR)

10 You mean the never ending sweater? I did see a pattern for a shrug, but I don't shrugs are made for women with breasts. Every woman I have seen them on, that they actually looked good on, was flat chested. And you my dear, are have a bosom to die for. We won't even mention that it would take around 20 balls of angora yarn, at around 15 bucks a ball, to knit a shrug.

Posted by: chuck at January 05, 2005 09:15 PM (e3s8s)

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Now that Stamos is a single man, this picture moderately creeps me out:
http://hosted.ap.org/photos/N/NY11601040646-small.jpg">

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I'm going to save you all the trouble of buying and reading Amber Frey's new book. I haven't read it (nor will I), but from the interviews I've seen about it so far, here's Cliff Note:

I'm a hobag who is cashing in on a tragedy. The End.

I feel for her in that she was totally snowed by Peterson. But newsflash, dear Amber, you were NOT the victim here. So, stop acting like it.

And in other book news...NBA star Charles Barkley is letting his pen do the talking.

The former All-Star forward, who's known for his outrageous off-the-cuff declarations, has a book due in May titled, "Why Do White People Hate Me?"

The folks at Penguin have yet to see Barkley's manuscript, but state that he's trying to get to the bottom of the Caucasian conspiracy against him by interviewing the likes of Maya Angelou, Magic Johnson, Barack Obama, Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton.

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