November 17, 2003
UPDATE: Looks like I'm not the only one who feels this way.
"It's only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reason can be found."
PJD, you can't play this week. You're just too good, and we need to spread the joy around.
On the other hand, Broadway is getting a new, but in my opinion, much less talented addition this week: The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show models. Rumor has it that models in French maid costumes -- complete with stockings and garter -- are going to do a dance routine reminiscent of Bob Fosse's Broadway hit "Chicago."
Call me a purist, but I'll stick with Ann Reinking and Bebe Neuwirth any day.
November 16, 2003
November 14, 2003
2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer. Kind, educated.
3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pasttime. Invigorating, glorious, relaxing.
4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day. Crammed, planned, rushed, interesting.
5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life. Blessed, fulfilled, maternal, daring, laughter-filled.
I particularly enjoyed reading about the consequences if the contract is breached: the husband will be barred from living at home for one month if he breaches the agreement three times.
Fellas, do we really need to FORCE you to shower?? What is this world coming to?
November 13, 2003
He's WAY too talented for her.
November 12, 2003
Barbara K. invented the Roadside Safety Kit precisely for those special moments when the car does, um, whatever you don't want it to do.
Designed especially for women, the eleven-piece kit comes in a handy and sorta-chic bag (which fits in the trunk) and contains the tools that will manage most unforeseen bumps in the road: jumper cables, a lantern, gloves, a tire gauge ... Best of all, it comes with a trusty (and unintimidating) instruction manual, so you'll know what the heck to do with them.
This would be a great Christmas gift!
The show's premise is that the "Flab 4" teaches a succession of gay men how to pass as heterosexuals. That's funny. I don't recall the FAB 5 EVER trying to make any of the heterosexual men to pass as gay men. They were just helping them to (God forbid) clean up a bit to impress their women a bit more.
I'm happy with my three.
November 11, 2003
Sing it with me now...to the tune of "Oklahoma"
"T-O-N-E D-E-A-F...Lieberman's tone deaf! YEAH!"
(Note: You need to turn your sound up for this one) Click here.
I bet it was a jammin' good time. (Hope no one broke a hip).
Full story, here.
Have a veteran in your family? Give them a call today or send them an e-card.
Some moving tributes over the blog-o-sphere:
Lori at Downtown Chick Chat
I had a tear-up shmuck moment on the way to school today. I was driving down Meridian street and saw a man, about 50-years old, out jogging down the street with one of the biggest American flags I'd ever seen waving over his head. Coincidentally, they were playing Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA" on the radio. Gave me chills.
November 10, 2003
Law School Barbie:
This Barbie comes complete with a roly-bag, a trendy handbag full of highlighters, and a venti Starbucks skinny caramel latte. Law School Barbie also comes with an array of conservative suits, a one-page resume, and an attitude. She is sold separately from Law School Ken. She couldn't possibly find time for dating between her classes, clerking, law review, moot court, and studying, and besides, Ken is too competitive. Law School Barbie is smart and savvy and ready to hit the next Schmooze and Booze Event to enhance her impressive network.
"Don't fu*k with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo."
November 09, 2003
Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Indianapolis Market:
Carmel Barbie: This Princess Barbie is only sold at the Fashion Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a longhaired foreign dog, named "Honey", and an over-priced house. Available with or without a tummy tuck and face-lift. Therapist Ken available. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with augment version. Fantasy Ken sold separately during the afternoons at local motels. Toys and accessories sold at adult bookstores.
Noblesville Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. Her vehicle will not move
unless there are no objects in front of the vehicle for 100 yards, causing traffic jams. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit in plus sizes only. Noblesville Ken and her come with matching Colts jerseys. He drives to the games. She drives home. It takes her 45 minutes longer.
Castleton Barbie: Has freshness date on package. Do not buy after that date or product may be spoiled rotten. Comes with no Appreciation on how the "other" 95% live. Does not have career or an idea of what makes her happy. When bought in conjunction with Hard Working Ken she will change her appearance.....will gain 75 lbs., will cut her hair, will become an avid church-goer, and belittle anyone who crosses her. No one including Ken is right, ever. Ken's head melts after 17 years.
Speedway Barbie: This model is only available at the JC Penney Catalog Store or at any parochial school bazaar. It cannot be purchased on Saturday night (because of Trivia nights) and Sundays (Sunday school picnics). It comes with a case of Strohs Beer, pork steaks, a recipe for Hash Brown Casserole, a 1987 Plymouth Voyager and one cell phone (circa 1982, big as a toaster) for the whole family with 15 anytime minutes. She is wearing the latest fashion from Target that she wore on Easter Sunday. It also comes with Ken (wearing the latest soccer T-shirt two sizes too small), a sack of White Castles and a 72 ounce Big Gulp.
East Side Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This Barbie also comes with 6 children by four different Kens. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash--preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about!
Fishers Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with a choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2.0 Included is her Starbucks cup, credit cards and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway. This edition is available in Naples, FL, but only during spring break.
Greenwood Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr., CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free. Comes with personal concealed gun license.
Geist Barbie: This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard-print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains friends at the club. Limited clothing available. Designer mini-skirts and CFM'S constitute 90% of her wardrobe. Percocet prescription available. Elderly Ken completes this set. Pre-Nup papers as worthless as the Chinese-made paper they are printed on.
Broad Ripple Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and arch-less feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She thinks Wellstone was a republican.
Kokomo Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of Muncie Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: CD player equipped with Bon Jovi and a rusty old Ford pickup.
Muncie Barbie: This Barbie is the same model of Barbie that was released in 1982. She comes with shoulder pads, dark polyester skirt, white pantyhose and a bad haircut.
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