1 Not gonna try ... too easy ... ... but I heard that Hilton is already dating Matt Leinart!

2 Yep--I read earlier this week that they were seen "getting cozy."

3 "And he was pushing my head down like this... well, you know what that's like."

4 "So, y'know how they say you can't, like, wear white after Valentine's Day, right? No, I think maybe it's Labor Day. Ok, like whatever. Anyway, Katie Holmes saw our dresses and was all, like well, you guys shouldn't be wearing white, like, EVER, y'know? And I was all, kiss my ass, Katie, you fake virgin until you got knocked up by your short tooly scientist boyfriend, and all that. And she was all, he's a scienTOLOGIST, you hoebag. So I kicked her ass." "That's hot."

5 You haven't even been pictured passed out in a pool of your own vomit, you amateur Bitch! I'll knock your F*&#*'n teeth out if you challenge ME!

6 My investment counselor says to sell high Buy low! Now about that program with the PTA do you really think you can run the bake sale! thanks!

7 "Dear, the trick is to marry someone whose estate still makes tons of money after they're dead. And if you go for a musician, make sure he's a solo artist instead of part of a band."

8 Energy Spatula ... bar none best comment!